April 23rd came and went like any other day. I ran 10 miles that day and it felt great! I really wanted a big-to-do party celebrating this passage of entering my mid-late forties. But time got the best of me and life never slowed down. Translation . . . The last thing I wanted to do was make decisions regarding a day that would revolve around me. CAUSE. I. AM. TIRED. So I will just put that party on the back burner for now. Maybe when I am 50. Cause I am sure I won't be tired then.
I am not one to make random, corresponding age lists every time a birthday rolls around. In fact, I have never done one before. But there's always a first. So sit back. Read. Laugh. Enjoy.
MY FORTY FIVES
- I was born in Kentucky. Fort Campbell to be exact. Compliments of the military.
- I don’t have a favorite color. But around 17 years ago my good friend, Kathie, told me not to wear chartreuse, so I don’t. Around this same era, Larry told me red was not my color. I totally agree with him.
- My favorite number is ‘2’.
- I bailed on attending UC Irvine out of high school because I wasn’t ready to live so far from home. No regrets.
- I was a super shy kid. That did not really go away until I became an OR nurse. You learn to become pretty outspoken when surrounded by interns and residents who think they know every thing.
- I have been a nurse for 21 years. My love will always be the operating room, minus some surgeons who were and are probably still arrogant assholes.
- My all time favorite surgery is anything involving a bi-coronal flap. Go ahead, GOOGLE the image if you are curious. I loved doing these cases with David. He really is talented, smart, and an excellent surgeon. And not an arrogant asshole.
- I was a chubby, wubby kid. Moon face and all. The short hair with bangs didn’t help either.
- I am in the best shape of my life. Better than high school. Better than college. And even better after having two kids.
- I love chips and diet Dr. Pepper. And a McDonald’s Sausage Biscuit.
- I never eat breakfast; at least not for breakfast. I also cannot stand drinking water, so I don’t. But I will drop a Crystal Light Raspberry Lemonade or Pink Lemonade packet in a Pierre. Yes, that’s right. Can’t pronounce some of the ingredients and I drink it. Willingly.
- I was teased a ton when I was a kid because of my eyes. If you haven’t noticed, they are particularly on the small side. Like “slit” small size. The mean kids would ask me if I could see as much as them. I was even asked if I had to tilt my head to see the full length of trees. Did you just laugh?
- I am Korean. Not Japanese. Not Chinese. It’s really not all the same. And we really don’t all look alike either.
- I love sarcasm.
- I am probably
jinxing myself, but here goes: I do not have grey hair. I look for them all the
time though. I will just chalk that one up to being
Japanese, Chinese, I mean Korean. Oh whatever, it’s all the same. #14
- I don’t believe everyone deserves forgiveness. Letting go and forgiving are not the same for me. I let go easily because it takes too much of my precious time to let something or someone cause turmoil. I do not take forgiveness for granted nor do I hand it out like candy. But you really have to cross me something fierce for the latter to happen.
- No it doesn’t bother me to not forgive or to hold grudges. It takes more effort to be nice to people who I don’t care for than it does to just carry on with my life.
- Number 16 is not very Christian-like, huh?
- I am not sure if I believe in God. I have a lot of questions that are black and white. Why would God allow children to be molested/raped? Those kinds of questions. And no, I don’t want to attend church with you, but thanks for the offer. Maybe some other time.
- I would totally benefit from seeing a therapist. EVERYONE would. Trust me, you’re not excluded.
- I can’t find the time to see a therapist. AKA I am not ready.
- I am currently reading, THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK. I absolutely love it so far. So I guess this book is my therapist right now.
- Don’t judge a book by its cover.
- I used to curse a lot. Like truck driver mouth, a lot. I never understand how that phrase got coined, but my dad would say that line to me. There’s just something liberating (to me) that comes along with swearing.
- I don’t believe in NY resolutions. If you want to do something or change something, than just do it.
- I failed at my last NY resolution: To take time for just myself.
- I booked a trip without my family for the first time in over 2 years. It’s coming up soon.
- I am a nervous flier and I hate flying without my family. My pre-boarding cocktail for long flights is Xanax and Ambien. Needless to say, I will not be partaking in any long flights by myself. I’d never make it off the plane.
- I have a lot of guilt when I make time to do things without family (kids or hubby).
- I over commit because of #29.
- Aside from feeling #29, I love to volunteer at school. Truly. There will come a day when the girls are not going to want me around. Until then, you can find me at their school.
- It is absolutely, without a doubt, 100% my job (and David’s) to be the primary role models for Sophia & Kalista. If we are not, then we failed at the most important parental job.
- David and I have been together for 19 years. I adored him long before he noticed me.
- I never thought I would get married and I was okay with that. At least that is what I told myself years ago.
- David and I were on the fence about having children. It really was a toss up. And no, Sophia was not an accident. She was planned. 100%. Oh and Kalista was not an accident either, in case you were wondering.
- David wanted and still would have more kids in a millisecond. Not me. When I had Kalista I was 37 and that was old in my books. For ME that is, so don’t get all-defensive.
- I hated being pregnant. It stressed me out, especially because I was AMA: ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE. Apparently you earn that label at age 35. Even after all the tests came back “normal”, I was stressed. And yes, I took them all. Consequences known.
- I did not breast feed either child. And guess what?! My girls and I still bonded! gasp! Must have been a miracle. Told you #14.
- The most judgmental moms I encountered were the ones who only breast-fed. Which were the same ones who felt it was a mother’s choice to breastfeed wherever and whenever. Guess having choices are limited to only breastfeeding moms. Way to stick together! #14
- I am totally hooked on Thirteen Reasons Why, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, and Stranger Things. All on Netflix.
- I average about 5 hours of sleep/night. I credit this to #40 and all those years of working/being on-call for the OR. Besides, time’s a ticking. I will sleep when I am dead.
- I fear my death. Just going to leave it at that. See #20.
- The one person who would totally understand ‘My 45s’ without judgment is gone.
- What I really meant to say, “My dad would have understood every point. But he is dead.” Hmmm, maybe #20 doesn’t apply to me! I mean, I just said (typed, whatever; same difference – but then again differences are not the same) that word people substitute because it’s uncomfortable. I am cured! See #14 and #20.
- This is my first and only draft. Unedited. Because really. . . the first thoughts to come out are always of the truth and the ones you really want said.