Thursday, September 17, 2015


Dear Daddy,

Today is the 3rd year I am wishing you happy birthday from afar. I sit here thinking about what I would have written in your birthday card. Most likely it would have been, "Look who's GREAT at 78!" I would have called you this morning to wish you the best day.  I would have asked you what your day was going to entail and where dinner was going to be. But, instead I am just thinking about these things I would have done. I have really come to hate past tense.

I daydream a lot about you. When I run, I think about how extra special my life would be if you were still here. I have many life scenarios that will never come true. I often wake thinking you are not really gone. I also worry a lot. I worry Sophia & Kalista won't remember you someday. I miss all your worldly advice. I miss having you as my sounding board. I miss you.

I heard a revised version of a song the other day and I thought of you. The lyrics to this song in its' entirety have a different meaning. But I watched a young man sing a portion of this song, who's interpretation was of another. I was so touched by his rendition and found I truly related to his version/meaning:
I am jealous you are in a better place. I am so jealous of those elements of nature that still feel you. I am jealous Heaven has you. I am jealous I can't be with you. I am so jealous it hurts to breathe. 

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain

I'm jealous of the wind
that ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind

Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say
I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

Happy Birthday Daddy

I love you,


Thursday, September 3, 2015

August Recap

School is back in session and I have been reminiscing about the few weeks preceding 
this annual event. I already long for summer 2016.

Sophia & Addy
I just love how these two pick-up right where they leave off.
Different schools...not a problem.
A precious moment of girl talk bonding.
Me and my munchkins!
Not so munchkins, I guess, huh?
While daddy was going this:
We did this:
Shopping trip!
Cooling off at Menchies
Enjoying Dad's catch:
More beach time!
Why I love SB:
Glamping at El Capitan Canyon
 Pretty sure this "cute" livestock was the source of David's poison oak.
I won't share those photos. Your'e welcome.
 Just me and my shadow.
Makes me think of this old post.
Missing my Jeannine's breakfast buddy:
So cheers to summer 2015.
Now hurry up school and be done already!

Monday, August 31, 2015

And now the madness begins...

Oh the day finally arrived . . . School started. Ho hum.
My second grader took off without me giving her a proper hug and kiss.
My kindergartner was nervous, excited, and didn't stray far.
And of course, packing lunches had me back into creative mommy mode:
And now the obligatory first day of school family photo:
You would think I was going back to school with all the "stuff" in my hand. 
Back-to-school paperwork was no joke! 

So the madness of a crazy schedule begins. The duties? Here are just a few: Wife, mommy, chef, chauffeur (different pick-up times and different swim practice times), PTA Board member, school room parent coordinator, classroom volunteer, homework & Kumon sergeant. Is it June yet?! Oh and that other job of being a nurse. Huh? Didn't know I had a paying job? Well I do. My kids are always shocked when I tell them I have to work. Luckily it's from home because there is no other way it would work out. I know, a nurse from home sounds odd. In a very brief nutshell, I chart audit for the hospital. I have been doing this particular job for over 7 years now. Tidbit: I have been a nurse for 20 years of which 13 were spent in the operating room. But being a nurse is no longer a priority. The laundry list of duties listed above is why my heart beats. I will take the crazy busy of family life over a "career" any day.

Monday, August 24, 2015

"La, la, la, la, la. I can't hear you."

These. Three. Words.

I realize I fall within the minority for what I am about to proudly admit, but I am just going to be honest: I AM NOT READY FOR SCHOOL TO START.

There, I said it and I meant it. Summer break was too short. And no, it's not because I had my kids in a camp every week and therefore didn't see them. In fact, they were with me almost all summer (minus 3 camps for Sophia and 1 for Kalista). 

And before any judgement is passed: MY KIDS ARE NOT PERFECT NOR AM I. They are not angels. But they are not devils either. They are just kids who laugh, roll their eyes, play, give attitude, cuddle, bicker, and love. And I am just a mom who loves the dickens out of her kids but who also gets equally frustrated and is ready to pack a bag and run for the hills. Or maybe just a local bar. I'd even settle for hiding in the closet with a bottle of wine. Our family life is not made of rainbow unicorns. And with all that being said, I hate seeing this:

Every year I want them home longer. I think school days are too long (yes, too long) and the school year is too long as well. People think I am nuts, but I wish school let out at 2:00. That's right. Two o'clock for every grade. Wishful thinking on my part.

There may come a time when my kids don't want to hang out with me anymore. And that makes me sad. I hope I am wrong. My sister-in-law has 3 grown sons and I love how they love to hang out with their parents still. I have asked her for the magic potion, but she swears she didn't use one. So I am crossing my fingers the girls follow their lead.

And in case the thought of home schooling came to mind, let me give one main reason why it won't ever happen:

And to all my friends who don't have the same thoughts, I do understand! So this one is for you:

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Happy 8th Birthday Sophia

Dearest Sophia Grace,

Well it happened again. I blinked and another year passed. All of sudden you are 8 years old. I feel like this last year went by the fastest. I hope this doesn't mean from here on out all the years will be the same as this last one. But I have a feeling I better buckle up and hold on tight.

Sophia, you continue to surprise me. Just when I think I have you figured out (stupid me - yes, I used the 'S' word), I get thrown for another loop. There are plenty of times I don't understand you. But always in retrospect I come to the realization that you are developing your own ways. You are on your journey of becoming a young adult.

What has surprised me the most is your ever growing perseverance. If there was one word to describe you it would be, 'determined.' I honestly don't know any other kid at this age who is as determined as you. It doesn't matter the challenge or how many tears might shed along the way . . . YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP. And I am not going to lie, there have been times I thought it would have been best to throw in the towel. But deep down, I knew there was no way on this Earth that was ever going to happen. So in the simplest of modern day terms, "YOU ROCK!"

Sophia, you are so focused. It's quite astounding. I have friends that "joke" around and call me, 'Tiger Mom' (I will explain that to you one day soon). But truth be known, as you already know, IT'S ALL YOU. And although I worry about the stress you put on yourself, I also know I can't change who you are. There are times I worry so much it's like I am the one trying to accomplish the task at hand. My stomach is in knots for you. My palms sweat for you. My heart races for you. My nights are restless for you. And another admission on my part . . . sometimes I want to change your stubborn determination to make my life easier, but in the end it would be like changing your genetic make-up. ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE.

I have a great admiration for your ability to ignore what others are doing. You are so focused on yourself. That is a great quality. So many kids, as well as adults, feel self-worth and confidence when applying life's challenges as a a competition. At this juncture in your life it is school and sports. But you, my dear, have mastered the best of both worlds by making yourself the most important competitor; which in turn has crushed some others along the way.

Aside from the shenanigans of growing up, you truly have a tender heart of gold. You have a lot of compassion for others and a soft, gentle soul. I am reminded of these treasures when you watch over the younger siblings of friends, when I see you cry when watching a sad part of a movie, and when you help your classmates are struggling through the day's lesson. And even though Kalista drives you insane sometimes a lot, you always have her back like a big sister should. Even if it means ganging up on ME! I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sophia, you are a beautiful young lady inside and out. I wish I could slow down time. But I can't. So the next best thing is to be here for you until you no longer need me. I hope that day never comes. 

Happy Birthday my love,