Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Come back to me...

This girl...
Where did she go?

Dear Kalista,

You have finished your JK year. And what a year it has been. My spunky, outgoing, feisty little gal disappeared this last school year. There were lots of tears shed (a lot from you and a ton from me) from the beginning to the very end. I didn't think we were going to make it to June. You are going off to kindergarten in the fall and there is something I need you to know...

I have missed you; not only physically being by my side, but I have missed your soul. Your dad and I don't know what happened this last year. You went from confident without a care to scared and unsure. You became a mystery. You never put up a fuss getting ready for school and you were always happy as a clam at pick-up. So your dad and I thought maybe it was the adjustment to a new school and new friends. But as the months went by and the tears were still present, I knew it was more than just jitters. You stopped participating in activities you once loved. You were adamant about not wanting to attend birthday parties. You declined having your own birthday party.  I would cross my fingers you would be the Old Kalista and belt out all those songs you happily sang at home.  But no more school recital participation. Only tears. YOU disappeared. And so, for the last school year, all I wanted was for you to come back to me.

One day during Christmas Break I asked you why you were so upset at school drop-offs. And although I had asked you this same question time and time before, this time you were mature enough to give me an answer aside from the shoulder shrug. You looked at me and said, "It's just too hard. The work is too much."

I will never forget that day. Your answer broke my heart. I want you to know, your dad and I had the best intentions for your last year before kindergarten. We wanted to give you the same opportunity we had given Sophia. As a parent, someday you will understand, you want to always make everything equal. But you have taught me it's okay not to always do the same for each child. You and Sophia are completely different kids in the world of academics. The two of you learn at different paces. I am sorry I didn't realize this sooner.

I just want you to know I am so proud of you! You have become a delightful reader and are on your way to mastering math. Everything has been on your own terms and pace. From all this to ballet, to gymnastics, to singing, and swimming - you are an amazing and gifted girl. And I LOVE YOU!
Congratulations my darling. You did great.